I hate when people ask me why I’m still single so it surprised me when I decided to write about it. Am I doing it because a)I’m out of my mind today b) desperate for blog traffic or c) I’m assuming my readers also hate getting this question and might appreciate it? Probably a mix of all three.
I don’t particularly enjoy putting my feelings on dating and relationships “out there.” In fact, I go to great lengths to dodge such
interrogations conversations in life, preferring to reserve them for close girl friends over bottles of wine. But I’m writing a book and a blog is part of the publishing process. (Which I’m totally excited about!) The only downside is they have both led to an increase in awkward interactions. Just this past Thursday while watching a friend’s band play the lead singer (whom I don’t know that well) asked me about my work and then said, “Oh..So you’re looking for a man, then?”
Kill me now.
I laughed and cringed and pictured myself deleting the whole thing as soon as I got home and answered that I would never put it that way. Ever. I can’t blame him for thinking that might be the case. I might stumble across this blog and think the same thing. I know my life is not all about “finding a man” (might be the worst phrase ever) but strangers don’t and that worries me.
Thankfully, Singer saved the conversation. He said it would be ok if I was looking and that he has found himself in that place before. We both agreed it’s a normal thing to want to meet the person you want to be with. He said his problem was that it’s hard to actually find someone you are interested in.
So, without further ado, here are the top 4 reasons I think I’m still single:
1. I don’t meet many guys I want to date. I’m pretty sure 100% of my single girl friends and guy friends would say the exact same thing. We go out, we get set up, some are online, and it all leads to nowhere. We’ve all had our share of rejection and heartbreak, but at the end of the day I feel like for me the real truth is- It’s not me, it’s him. “Him” being the proverbial hidden and/or impaired male species.
It’s really hard to find a single guy I find attractive, click with, has his crap together, and is into me, too. I imagine guys feel the same about finding “her.” Sure, I have days where I freak out and think I need a new hairstyle, stop eating food all together, or start-up some ridiculous yet possibly impressive hobby like windsurfing or dirt bike riding. But those thoughts pass and I remember that I like being me. There’s nothing “wrong” with me.
2. I’m still single b/c I spent 3 yrs in an on and off rollercoaster relationship. Think of all the missed opportunities! Just kidding, I don’t see it that way at all. But it’s technically true.
3. What I’m looking for takes time to find. People say all kinds of things about love and get married for different reasons. I think the important thing is to look for what matters most to you in a relationship. For me, it’s finding a best friend. (One I’m attracted to. I’m no nun). Some people think spark is the most important feature. I’ve felt it many times with guys I didn’t date long term and chemistry doesn’t indicate the other person is good for you. Others really want to find someone who shares their ideals and goals. Also important but I’ve met guys who share my values on paper but are not what I’m looking for in a relationship. If our love for Jesus is the only thing we have in common its a no go.
What I’m looking for is someone I can look up to, enjoy spending time with, makes me laugh thinks I’m funny, and is kind. It would help if he miraculously found it charming that I watch mass amounts of the Hallmark channel at Christmas and want to talk about it. See…he’s going to be hard to find. I’m hoping the fact that I’m up for adapting to his quirks and try to be a good person most days helps. All in all, if this is what I want, I’m going to have to wait for it. And I’m willing to wait for it and enjoy my freedom in the meantime.
4. this blog I’m fairly certain this blog is going to be my downfall.
Well, there you have it- that is why I think I’m still single. I think that’s why my friends are still single. They are total catches and it just so happens JoJo was right, “True love is hard to find. And once you find it, it probably has rabies.“