I love when people suggest online dating (as if they are the first to ever do so). “What, what is this world wide web you speak of?” I probably shouldn’t be so mean, they are trying to be helpful. The truth is, though I’ve had lots of good friends happily meet their spouse online, (<;3 Mehaffeys, Wadas, Thieles!! <;3) I myself, have yet to give it a try. My dates still come the old-fashioned way for now. Recently, I toyed with the idea of signing up just for the sake of the blog, figuring I’d get a lot of great stories out of the deal but decided against it. So you can imagine my delight when a close friend of mine asked if she could send me her stories to post!! Why yes, YES YOU CAN!!
Without further a due, meet Harmony. This is not her real name. She was fine using her own but we decided it would be better for her suitors if she remained anonymous. In this segment, you’ll find her writing and then a few of the things I’m learning from her at the end.“Having just turned 30, surviving the biggest break-up of my dating life, yet still yearning to find that one, true love, I decided to join eHarmony. One thing you must understand about online dating is that it occupies the same amount of time that an intensive part-time job would require. Being a teacher, I had ten weeks of summer vacation to earn some extra cash tutoring while working on meeting a handsome, godly man of marriageable material. My goal: one date a week. One of out ten isn’t impossible odds, right? According to Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of said matchmaking business, there are 29 crucial dimensions of compatibility to which if you align yourself and your future partner with will result in marital bliss. Cool! Can’t wait! Online dating tip #1: There is no man out there who will ever align to all 29 levels of compatibility with you. Nor do you want that person because who really wants to marry themself? Date #1, Wednesday, June 13, 2012-The Casual Coffee/Tea Meet Up Allan was handsome. He was confident. He knew what he was doing. He was my first match on eH to skip the four stages of Guided Communication and email me. I liked that. After a few casual emails and some late night intensive text message conversations, Allan and I met up for coffee/tea. I do have to mention that every time we discussed plans to meet up, Allan referred to it as “coffee/tea”. That day, I ordered iced green tea and he got coffee. That part worked out. I could not get over the lace up ankle boots. I have to explain that my driver’s license states I’m a whopping 5’4”. But the truth of the matter is, is that I don’t even think I’m quite 5’3”. Understanding my height challenges and the fact that I have an athletic-build, blessed with a round butt and full thighs, this whole “skinny pant, outside boot trend” is not/has not ever worked for me. So when my impending future husband showed up in skinny grey jeans paired with lace up ankle boots on the outside of his pants, I could no longer focus on the conversation. How trendy is too trendy of a man to date? Dating a man more slender than you is never good for a woman’s self esteem. We’ll see how this one goes…”
Harmony and I had previously had several conversations about why to, why not to, and when to try online dating. When she told me she was going for it, I was happy for her She knew she had the time and was serious about meeting someone. From what I’ve observed, the people who are ready for it and take it seriously get a great outcome. I’m excited for my brave friend and her new adventure!
As Harmony mentioned, Allan was in her first round of matches. She really appreciated that he took action right away in asking her to meet up. This made me think there is still a process of selection going on that resembles what happens in nature (that’s what I’ll call offline dating). Harmony preferred the way some men communicated with her using eHarmony over others. The process sounds more natural than I’d previously thought.
She phoned on the way home from date #1 and mostly talked about the way his clothes caught her off guard and made her feel like they weren’t a great match. Quite frankly, their styles are very different. She described him as a hipster and she dresses upscale, all-american for lack of a better title. Allan isn’t someone she would normally approach or expect to approach her. Which begs the question-is online dating a good thing, since it brings people together for better reasons than the ones that can get in the way during a first impression? Or, will they actually turn out to be too different- something they would’ve known right away offline. Time will tell!