Online Dating: Meet Harmony

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Published by | 12 Comments | computer flowers

I love when people suggest online dating (as if they are the first to ever do so). “What, what is this world wide web you speak of?” I probably shouldn’t be so mean, they are trying to be helpful. The truth is, though I’ve had lots of good friends happily meet their spouse online, (<;3 Mehaffeys, Wadas, Thieles!! <;3) I myself, have yet to give it a try. My dates still come the old-fashioned way for now. Recently, I toyed with the idea of signing up just for the sake of the blog, figuring I’d get a lot of great stories out of the deal but decided against it. So you can imagine my delight when a close friend of mine asked if she could send me her stories to post!! Why yes, YES YOU CAN!!

Without further a due, meet Harmony. This is not her real name. She was fine using her own but we decided it would be better for her suitors if she remained anonymous. In this segment, you’ll find her writing and then a few of the things I’m learning from her at the end.

“Having just turned 30, surviving the biggest break-up of my dating life, yet still yearning to find that one, true love, I decided to join eHarmony. One thing you must understand about online dating is that it occupies the same amount of time that an intensive part-time job would require. Being a teacher, I had ten weeks of summer vacation to earn some extra cash tutoring while working on meeting a handsome, godly man of marriageable material.
 
My goal: one date a week.
One of out ten isn’t impossible odds, right?
 
According to Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of said matchmaking business, there are 29 crucial dimensions of compatibility to which if you align yourself and your future partner with will result in marital bliss. Cool! Can’t wait!
 
Online dating tip #1: There is no man out there who will ever align to all 29 levels of compatibility with you. Nor do you want that person because who really wants to marry themself?
 
Date #1, Wednesday, June 13, 2012-The Casual Coffee/Tea Meet Up
 
Allan was handsome. He was confident. He knew what he was doing. He was my first match on eH to skip the four stages of Guided Communication and email me. I liked that. After a few casual emails and some late night intensive text message conversations, Allan and I met up for coffee/tea.
I do have to mention that every time we discussed plans to meet up, Allan referred to it as “coffee/tea”. That day, I ordered iced green tea and he got coffee. That part worked out.
I could not get over the lace up ankle boots. I have to explain that my driver’s license states I’m a whopping 5’4”. But the truth of the matter is, is that I don’t even think I’m quite 5’3”. Understanding my height challenges and the fact that I have an athletic-build, blessed with a round butt and full thighs, this whole “skinny pant, outside boot trend” is not/has not ever worked for me. So when my impending future husband showed up in skinny grey jeans paired with lace up ankle boots on the outside of his pants, I could no longer focus on the conversation.
How trendy is too trendy of a man to date? Dating a man more slender than you is never good for a woman’s self esteem. We’ll see how this one goes…”
 
 

Harmony and I had previously had several conversations about why to, why not to, and when to try online dating. When she told me she was going for it, I was happy for her She knew she had the time and was serious about meeting someone. From what I’ve observed, the people who are ready for it and take it seriously get a great outcome. I’m excited for my brave friend and her new adventure!

As Harmony mentioned, Allan was in her first round of matches. She really appreciated that he took action right away in asking her to meet up. This made me think there is still a process of selection going on that resembles what happens in nature (that’s what I’ll call offline dating). Harmony preferred the way some men communicated with her using eHarmony over others. The process sounds more natural than I’d previously thought.

She phoned on the way home from date #1 and mostly talked about the way his clothes caught her off guard and made her feel like they weren’t a great match. Quite frankly, their styles are very different. She described him as a hipster and she dresses upscale, all-american for lack of a better title. Allan isn’t someone she would normally approach or expect to approach her. Which begs the question-is online dating a good thing, since it brings people together for better reasons than the ones that can get in the way during a first impression? Or, will they actually turn out to be too different- something they would’ve known right away offline. Time will tell!

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12 responses to “Online Dating: Meet Harmony”

  1. Always an interesting topic! I know more than a handful of people turning to this and know less than a handful who have gotten married as the outcome. I think, for the most part (having never done it myself but looking at examples like this blog and stories I’ve heard firsthand…) that it is a way to have some great and hilarious stories to tell the grandkids. How a person gets those grandkids might differ entirely…

  2. Alecia says:

    So far out of my realm of experience I really can’t relate, I guess. Met my life-mate in high school a zillion years ago. Doesn’t seem much different from a blind date–someone else thinks you might like each other and you’re willing to take a chance they’re right. Pretty much a crap-shoot. Has anyone calculated the odds? Probably works at least some of the time or e-Harmony wouldn’t exist! My question is: where/how does God figure into all this? That’s a matter of self-examination,yes, but it would be interesting to me to know how/why Christian singles decide to go this route.

    • Kim.bot says:

      Well I can say I went this route and it was an enormously successful venture! I went on it cuz a wonderful friend met her husband on it and I had not met any men worth dating for awhile. It was kind of a “what the heck! It won’t kill me and worst case scenario I’m out 100 bucks”. Eharmony is awesome cuz you get to filter. I put down what was most important to me (my faith and my goals for the future) and I found someone who shared my commitment to our faith and who had similar life goals. I was never one to believe in “the one” as a person I was meant to be with, but I’m not gonna lie, meeting my now husband threw me for a spin and I was overwhelmed by the love and blessings the Lord had showered over me in the form of this man I met on eharmony. Granted, I weeded through alot of other guys’ profiles but for me, my husband radically stood out from the rest. What I loved about the process is that most people are just putting everything out there and what would take you months to learn about a person takes a mere few days. I would highly recommend it to anyone. But as Cindy said, I was ready and serious about meeting someone for marriage and I think that makes a difference. I wasn’t in a place to do it a year or two or three before and I think eharmony is made more for those looking for commitment. Other sites are good for dating, eharmony is good for commitment, just by design. I think if someone is toying around with trying it they should, there really is very little to lose in the long run. :) and from personal experience, I found a pretty amazing husband out of it. :)

      • Alecia says:

        Awesome! Thanks for the insider’s view. I’ve been thinking about this some more, and I guess it is very much like the old “matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.” People paid for that service, too, (maybe with a cow or a few chickens, but same principle.) Interesting to me that you see it as a service for those looking for commitment vs. dating and also that it’s a way to cut to the chase because you know a lot of information up front. Not sure if that’s good or bad–that’s kind of the point of dating isn’t it? Discovery? Then again, historically, there have been lots of good arranged marriages where all the discovery happens after the I do’s. Anyway, I was happy to hear that shared faith was your first criterion and that it worked for you and your husband. Maybe you guys can make a commercial!

        • They would make for a great commercial!! The discovery part is a good question. I wonder if different people put higher stock in that element more than others. I do like the natural “get to know you” progression. I find it exciting. But it’s also meant taking time to get to know guys who ended up not being the kind of guys I was looking for.
          Could be a case by case thing. I also got in an interesting conversation with a friend once who really wanted to know the profile type parts of her boyfriend where to me, I cared more about little things like how well we got along in the car, how he acted around my family, stuff you wouldn’t get online. It made me think it worked well for her and maybe not as well for me simply because we valued different things.

      • Thanks for sharing! I think your right about not having anything to lose. It’s easy to blow $100 bucks at a bar trying to meet someone. Glad you found higher odds and a great guy online:)

    • Crap shoot is a very good description:) I’d be interested to hear where you were headed with the “where does God fit in” question. I took it to mean a question about waiting on him to provide vs. going for what you want. Is that your question? It’s one I’d like to explore

      • Alecia says:

        Yeah, that’s basically it. What does it mean to “trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and not lean on your own understanding” in the dating game? To really “wait patiently” for him? I don’t know if there are hard and fast rules here, but it seems like this is how the world does dating at this point in history, so shouldn’t Christians at least think seriously about whether we should go at it the same way or differently? I won’t argue with someone who says she’s prayed and feels led to pursue this avenue for mate searching, but I do wonder if that’s the norm or if we’re just jumping on the train with all the other tourists.

        • Excellent question and a good way to frame the discussion. Deserving of a blog post I think. I wrestle with a similar question. It’s hard to know when God wants you to wait for his provision and when he wants you to be a steward of your own life and work for things. Do you think online dating is overstepping both?

  3. Jason says:

    I’m one of those folks who initially scoffed at the online dating stuff. Mostly because it was new and therefore weird. I’ve become one of those folks who asks people, “Have you considered eHarmony?” I suggest this having been comfortably married for 12 1/2 years and not knowing if I would have the guts (or humility?) to try something like eHarmony. . . . and, truth be told, glad I never even had to entertain the question.

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