Online Dating: Date #3

Published by | 8 Comments | , computer flowers

Well, I’ve more than dropped the ball on this one.  Harmony has been kind enough to send me her stories throughout the summer and I’ve neglected to get them up here.  If you remember, her goal was to go on one date a week.  The one below is a good one;)  Enjoy!

“Scott is 37.  Works in pharmaceutical sales.  Lives in Sherman Oaks.  This guy has the most amazing story of how he accepted Christ maybe 8 years ago.  Complete with details of the raunchy Vegas bachelor party hotel room scene that somehow led him to begin his journey with the Gideon Bible.   After we retold our testimonies, discussed family and tragedy we got into the really vulnerable part of the conversation:
Me: “So tell me about your job.  Is it like Love and Other Drugs?  (Proud of myself for the cute joke, not really remembering how that movie played out.)
Steve: “You know I haven’t seen it, but I definitely don’t drive as nice a car as Jake Gyllenhal.”  (Ok, he’s funny.)
Me: “What kind of drugs do you sell?”
Steve: “I’m in the men’s health business.”
Me: “So like vitamins? ”
Steve: “No.” (awkward pause) “I sell ED medication.” (Oh, gotcha!  No need to elaborate.)
Steve then leans in because we are in the middle of Yogurtland, 3:30PM on a Saturday afternoon, surrounded by tables of families and young children.  “Erectile dysfunction medication,” Steve whispers. 
Super nice guy but we both know it’s not going to go anywhere. We didn’t have a whole lot in common in the end.
I am learning a few things along the way that I’d like to share.  Ladies, we all have our two or three absolutely perfect outfits.  You know the ones that accentuate all the right parts, smartly hiding all the multiple wrong ones.  Early on I spent a little money on the perfect first date outfit and it has been a good use of money because  I can keep wearing it over and over again since I’m consistently meeting up with new fellows. ”

This one needs very little commentary:)  I am noticing that it sounds like a lot of her dates go deep pretty early on.  I’m not used to this and wonder if it is me or a part of online dating.  Is it because the profiles already display a lot of the surface stuff that one might discuss on a first date?  Or are people typically looking for a serious relationship and feel it’s a better use of time to get to the serious stuff?  Anyone care to weigh in that has tried it?

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8 responses to “Online Dating: Date #3”

  1. jenni says:

    LOL. He seems like a keeper. At least you know he will never have erectile dysfunction. That is good, right?

  2. Heather says:

    Well, since I’ll soon be marrying someone I met online :) I might as well drop in my two cents here… I think both of your suggestions are true Cindy – online meet-ups can be more likely to involve deeper (and therefore, potentially more awkward!) conversation because a lot of that surface stuff has already been covered by the time you get to the first date AND because you’re specifically hanging out with this person for the very reason of determining whether or not they have the potential of being the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Not that you’re going to reach that decision on the first date by any means, but digging a bit deeper will help you make any necessary eliminations earlier on so you don’t waste your time on something that isn’t going to work anyway. On the other hand, in the conventional dating scene, there’s usually some sort of mutual social circle or connection that brought you together in the first place (church, school, friend’s party, etc), which means there’s a likely possibility of running in to them again whether or not you pursue a dating relationship. So the whole scenario lacks the necessity of deeper conversation at the first date because you have the luxury of waiting to reveal more later on without the risk of losing the opportunity to see them again before you have a chance to make your best (or worst…) impression on the person in question. … is this making any sense? Maybe not, but at any rate, I will say one thing – I totally wasn’t expecting to meet “the one” when I started browsing through some profiles on Christian Mingle a little over a year ago – especially since I hadn’t had much luck with eHarmony in the past; I just decided to check out the Mingle website a) because it’s free to browse, and b) out of curiosity since I had just moved from one coast to the other and didn’t know anyone in the area besides family. And I really didn’t even have any high hopes or serious expectations when I met this guy (who is now my fiance) :) in person for the first time, so it definitely turned out to be way more than I had hoped for when I soon realized that the attractive man I was getting to know really was a genuine, solid guy who was serious about dating me and making this relationship something worth fighting for. So Cindy, you can officially add me to your growing list of friends who have found true love through the unconventional online dating scene. :)

    And there’s my two cents. Or five bucks, whatever. 😉

    • I love that! Thanks, Heather! I didn’t know that was how you two met! Congratulations!! (and your invitation is adorable and arrived yesterday:) You gave a lot of great insight into how it all works. You are right, there is no pressure to go deep if you know you will run into someone later and that can drive us to spend more time checking someone out that we might want to. Did you find it was uncomfortable discussing deeper things on first dates? More fun that way??
      Either way, SO SO glad it worked out for you, friend. You are a treasure and he is a lucky guy!!

      • Heather says:

        Thanks Cid!! Yeah, it actually was fun to have deeper conversations right off the bat, and actually – we had PLENTY of it because he was out of town most of the time for his job so phone conversations and skype were all we had between weekend visits once or twice a month for quite awhile…yeah -oddly enough, I had previously pretty much decided to avoid any long distance situations due to multiple bad experiences with long distance in the past, but he won me over and the many hours and hours of conversation we had together gave us a solid foundation of knowing what we were getting into, especially since being the kind of open and straightforward guy that he is, he wasn’t hesitant about asking the harder questions, so it was easy to learn a lot about each other on a deeper level that way. The long distance was definitely a bummer in the sense of not getting to hang out frequently in person, but we really did benefit from being forced to focus on just conversation and getting to know each other rather than focusing on
        things like entertainment and physical appearances, which is often characterstic of a typical dating relationship in our American culture. But anyway, we ARE in the same city now! And I’m confidant that our relationship is one that will remain strong throughout the years because while we definitely enjoy the chill times of just hanging out and having fun together, we also have the benefit of being comfortable in tackling the deeper stuff together and talking things out, which is an important skill to have in any relationship. So yeah – maybe that is another part of why online dating can actually contribute to a healthier foundation from the beginning. Of course, you still have to find the right kind of person to have that relationship with -which isn’t any easier online than it is “out there,” but once you do find them… bring on the deep conversation and go with it! (Are you getting any closer to being convinced that online dating just maaaaaybe might be worth a shot yet?) ;-}

        • Wow, that awesome! I’m really glad you stuck with it even though you had had bad experiences with distance. I’m struck more and more by the realization that love takes risk. There is no way to get there without it. As for online and me… Well, we’ll see. I’m doing ok with the “out there” at the moment;) If things change, it’s stories like yours that will make me strongly consider it!!

  3. I think, as long as there’s some laughing on a first date, it’s probably going to lead to a second. It’s entirely different for everyone, as far as how serious the situation gets… but this topic of conversation (although having to do with his work) is pretty funny haha love it :)

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