In 2013, I Resolve to Date More Jerks

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Have you ever noticed that everyone warns you about the cheater and the liar? By now, you’ve learned how to spot and avoid the player.  The guy nobody ever warns you about is the nice guy.  Friends even recommend the nice guy! But as I thought about it, nearly all my friends and I have been burned by guys people describe as “nice.”  Very few of us have any horror stories from outright “bad” guys…they’re all from “good” guys.  It’s confusing.  Since my blog was getting too pleasant for my own liking anyway, I reflected on some dating stories from friends, and a few of my own, to compile a list of “Nice Guys” to watch out for.

97249673173859414_kFvN4Oog_c[1]The Too Nice to Himself Nice Guy

This guy is the best.  He’s good at his job, plays sports, and goes to church- all of which lead him to believe he deserves the perfect partner.  I like to think he was the most popular kid in his youth group and that this residual awesomeness has blinded him to his own imperfections.  He is, however, not so nice to the girls he is dating and trying out.  They must actually be perfect in order to be good enough for him. Yikes.

 

205265695487000744_hAwPWv4q_c[1]The People Pleaser Nice Guy

This is the type who never says what he truly thinks, and mistakes this behavior for being nice, when in actuality, it’s just cowardly.  He can’t say things that need to be said because he doesn’t want anyone to dislike him or be upset, which in the end is still all about him.  He comes across as nice because he never says anything direct or harsh. Girls get hurt by this guy because they never get to know who is underneath all the “niceness” and it’s very hard to ever unearth the truth.   This type likes to use God and/or others as scapegoats, “I’m super busy at work, maybe we should spend some time apart” or “I prayed about it and I’m still not sure if we should keep dating…but please don’t go date another guy until I know for sure.”  Boo.  You want someone who is willing to make a decision and live with the consequences.

 

114490015498192740_TOJ210EL_c[1]The Inappropriate Friend Nice Guy

He’s so nice…. SO nice.  He’s always there to talk, he really gets you, you never know what the hell is going on.  Are you dating? Are you not dating?  People think you are together but he’s too nice to actually draw a line.  Really, underneath the niceness is a user.  There’s a good chance he doesn’t know if he wants you enough to keep you or cut you off.  Since he enjoys your company and attention, he never does either.

 

 

high fiveThe Nice to Every Girl Nice Guy

Outgoing, a positive attitude, really looks you in the eye when he compliments your hair as he invites you into his Bible study. It all seems so perfect….Except, somehow every other girl in the room feels like the something might be happening between them, too.  His excessive and flirting make it very hard to read the signs. I know what you’re thinking- women should not read into signs. Agreed. We should not.  But I still call foul on this type because most men do not have multiple women thinking they like them at one time.  Nor do they have a long line of broken hearts in their wake.  When that happens, the guilt is partly on the nice guy.

 

There are plenty of genuine nice guys that are kind for the right reasons.  I can think of a number of friends or spouses of friends who go out of their way for others and are grateful for the women in their lives.  I’m beginning to think these men must all have a little jerk in them because they can put their foot down when they need to and say what needs to be said when the time is right.  In the end, you always know where you stand with them.  These qualities don’t always come off as nice, but a bit of a rough edge is a good thing.  My mom has always said I need someone to keep me in line. The fact that I wrote this silly blog post probably proves she’s right;)

Well, there you go! Being the nice girl that I am, I’ve warned you. (If you can’t find double meaning in that, I can’t help you)

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16 responses to “In 2013, I Resolve to Date More Jerks”

  1. jenni says:

    Good stuff! Well written

  2. Alice Johnson says:

    I’m surprised you actually remembered that comment, but be fore-warned- that is exactly what I’m praying for for you because I love you.

  3. Mike Johnson says:

    It is always good to listen your mom!

  4. Megan says:

    Your mom has told me the same thing! I’ve been waiting for blog from you and this one has satisfied my thirst. I have been burned not once but twice from the “inappropriate friend” and the “nice to everyone friend”. And the last guy was a combination of the two and nearly broke my heart. There were just too many mixed signals an I never knew what his intentions were. So frustrating! And I think the worst part was I just couldn’t let go of our friendship. I’m happy to say the chord has been cut. But it was definitely a long relationship that hurt me in the long run. Great blog!! Thanks for always writing great things.

    • Sorry, I took the longest blog break thus far. I needed to get away from thinking about it and staring at computer screens for a bit!

      I’m sorry about the nice guys from your past. A broken heart is never fun. Sounds like you know how to spot things now and didn’t let this last one get too far. Don’t give up! I’m sure there is a wonderful a-hole waiting out there somewehre for you;)

  5. Joy Strickland says:

    So true. I was listing men I know fit into each category as I was reading it.

  6. Cindy!!!!!!!!! I think this is my most favorite blog you’ve written yet!! It’s so spot on. I’ve always thought these exact same things. I think you are a lot like my sisters and me, because we’ve all said that it takes a STRONG guy to deal with a Wilder woman… or a Johnson woman, apparently!! There are warning signs in “nice” guys. I’ve broken up with many and had it not work out… because yes…. there’s an honesty and REAL aspect to someone who doesn’t let people walk all over them, and in turn doesn’t walk all over anyone. You just…. really got it right. I hope you find your jerk!! 😉 just kidding, but seriously!!

  7. Kamee Clevenger says:

    Go Cindy. My roommate and I are just absolutely obsessed with this post. It is everything we have been thinking and feeling (“inappropriate friend” & “nice to every girl”) so accurately put into words. Thank you, thank you. Please come back to APU, we think you are fantastic!!

    • cindyannjohnson says:

      Hey! Thank you!! On one hand, I wish you and your roommate didn’t relate to this post;) I also wish I could tell you it gets better after college…but…:) Thanks for having me at APU! I’d love to come back anytime.

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