I’m Yelling Tinder

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Mindy Kaling Tinder Review #MindyKaling #Tinder #dating #single #christian #christiansontinder

Dear Ted,

(Ted is a fictitious name for a very real Christian friend of mine, age 30)

Hope you are well! I enjoyed our conversation about Tinder the other day and thought it might make for a good post. In a nutshell, you think it’s superficial and leads to hook-ups. I think I met an amazing fireman, who happens to be the best guy I’ve ever dated, thanks to Tinder.

(For those of you readers who don’t know what Tinder is, it’s a free phone app where you have one chance to view 5 photos, age, and general location of a person. You have to immediately decide if they are attractive or not. If the attraction is mutual, you then have the opportunity to text through the app and start a conversation. At any point, you can easily block a person forever.)

(If you are a single female with any reading retention skills, what you’ve learned is “THERE ARE FIREMEN ON TINDER.” If you have any life skills, you have stopped reading this blog and are busy signing up for Tinder)

Back to you, Ted!

So you are not pleased with Tinder and don’t think it’s the kind of thing a Christian girl should do. Here are my thoughts.

Should Christians Go On Tinder?

I’ve read a few blogs that feel Christians should not go on Tinder. One blog I read said, “Tinder says sex is disposable…and is reducing people to looks.”

To this I’d like to say, RELAX. Stop weirdly reading into things. Tinder isn’t good or bad. It isn’t saying anything. It’s like money, power, or sex. Sometimes we humans use these items for good, and other times for bad. You don’t have to use Tinder as a hook-up app, but you can if you’d like. You don’t have to only try to talk to the hottest of hot people. It’s up to you. And let’s be clear, people can use others for hookups and be extremely superficial in how they date at church just as easily as they do online. Personally, I found it much easier to spot and avoid these types on the app than in real life, too;)

Is Tinder Superficial?

I’m assuming it’s the idea that you only decide to move forward with a person based on pictures that has you concerned. People refer to this as a game of “Hot or Not.” This is actually one of my favorite features of Tinder. Why? There is a word for people we connect with but are not attracted to- FRIEND.

Friends are great.

Friends are not for dating.

If you think dating is superficial, take it up with God. He created the whole attraction system.

Personally, if I somehow found out that someone I was dating said or thought something along the lines of, “I wasn’t attracted to you at first, but I liked your personality and pushed through.” I’d be hurt and embarrassed. I would certainly not be impressed or proud of him.

A few Words About Why it Worked For Me…

Fast, Free & Fun.

Tinder is my only experience in online or non-traditional dating. Taking on sites like Match and eHarmony felt like too big a step and a lot of work and money. I think Tinder is a baby step that feels easy to try.

Casual

I liked that Tinder didn’t feel like a big deal. It was funny and entertaining. I understand and support people who prefer the serious and intentionality that sites like eHarmony and Match can provide. People simply don’t take Tinder as seriously and that will frustrate some. For me, this was a strength. Tinder was something easy to try for a few days. A Huffington Post article said, “People don’t think of Tinder as online dating, they think of it as a game.” I think Tinder draws in a new crowd of daters the other sites weren’t reaching and I’m glad both option types exist.

Natural

Uniquely, Tinder feels most like how dating works in the real world. People compare it to a digital bar or coffee shop for a reason. If you are attracted to someone, you still have to approach him or her, or respond when they approach you. In every dating scenario, it takes more than physical attraction to get something off the ground. With Tinder you have to have some kind of spark or connection when you talk via the app or it goes nowhere.

Private

No one knows anything about you on Tinder. Not your job, school, hobbies etc. I liked that when I went on my first date, it felt like a real first date. We didn’t show up for that first meet up with a whole profile on each other. Instead, we had to take get to know one another’s likes and dislikes over time like in traditional dating. It felt like a very “normal” first, second, and third date.

So, Ted.

Deciding to online date is a thing. It just is. Every unmarried person I know thinks about whether they will or will not online date. Is it worth the effort? Am I ready to admit I’m online? Is it giving up? Are my kind of people on there? Personally, I think everyone should be encouraged to do what they feel fits them without judgment.

I’m not saying Tinder is for everyone. I was on it for a few days and met someone. And while that won’t happen to everyone, according to ABC News, it has led to more than 15 million matches and Cosmopolitan says over 1000 engagements. It really is working for some people beyond the superficial hook-up. Many of my friends are on it and are encouraged by all the prospects. Browsing all the guys posing with tigers, in handstands, and embarrassing selfies is a delightful bonus.

Finally, if you’re like me, deep down you don’t want your love story to be that you met your someone online. I get it. I’m a writer for goodness sake. Did I go on Tinder expecting a serious relationship? No. Was it fun and worth it? Absolutely! From our first exchange, he stood out and there was a spark. It was fun and exciting and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’ve had lots of great meet up stories in my life. I’ve met someone on an airplane, while traveling abroad, and even once while buying matching humidifiers during cold season. But guess what? All those great meet up stories had bad endings. The great meetings were never helpful indicators of how the rest of the relationship would go.

At this point, I’m way more interested in meeting the right person and creating a great life story together. That’s the important story.

Whatever you do, I wish you all the best and a bit of luck.

Sincerely,

Cindy

 

Photo by buzzfeed.com
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16 Responses to “I’m Yelling Tinder”

  1. Alyssa says:

    Wow, cindy, your review if tinder makes me wish I were single again so I could try it! :)

  2. Alecia says:

    So, a girl walks into a coffee place and sees a guy. She smiles, he says hi. She orders, then decides to drink in instead of take out just to see what happens. She sits conveniently close enough to Mr. Potential to strike up a conversation which ends in them exchanging contact info that leads to a date that leads to a relationship that leads to a life. Sounds pretty normal. Except that the “coffee place” is a screen and the initial “conversation” is a text, right? I can handle that. In fact it seems far more conventional than sorting through a bunch of resumes and pictures to see if he or she qualifies for the position of life mate.

    • cindyannjohnson says:

      Exactly how it felt! Great description!! I thought Tinder would be a joke or waste of time, but it ended up being pretty fun and natural. I have friends who felt better about communicating with more info (aka the resumes/profiles), which was great for them and I understand. But for me, I didn’t want to read all that or have my info out “there.” I’m glad both options are available.

  3. Rachelle says:

    Love this! I went to a wedding on Memorial Day of a Christian couple – they met on Tinder

  4. Melanie says:

    LOVE THIS!! As someone who has taken on “online dating” since February, I can say I’ve enjoyed Tinder the most. I have felt more violated and disgusted from match, a site I paid for, than from anyone on Tinder.

    As a Christian, I feel like my guard is up. I don’t hook up with random strangers and no online site is going to change that about me. I’m 31 and I haven’t met anyone at church. Bars are full of 21-26 year olds. Tinder allows me to easily deny and filter the guys I don’t want to talk to. Swipe!

    • cindyannjohnson says:

      Thanks for sharing, Melanie! I totally agree- who you are online should be who you are in real life. The site you use shouldn’t change what you do, the type you are going for, or anything else for that matter.
      I wish you all the best! Have fun!:)

  5. Bill White says:

    Cindy, I just appreciate your candor and insight. I’m so glad you’re writing and wish you would do it from Long Beach.

  6. Becky says:

    Perfect description! I use it…. However, I haven’t been as successful. ;) lol. I get a decent amount of matches, but because I think of it as a more “normal” meeting, I wait for the guy to send the first message. I feel like if we were in a coffee shop, I’d look and smile if I liked what I saw, and then he would do the same (Hypothetically) and then ball is in his court, He would need to come up and talk to me. (Send the first message). Did the fireman send the first message??

    I may be waiting for a miracle.. .haha.

    • cindyannjohnson says:

      SO funny you asked! I was exactly like you. I think it shows something when the guy makes the first move and it’s a rule I live (and tindered) by. But…I guess all rules were meant to be broken BECAUSE the fireman was the ONLY guy I messaged. We had both swiped right and he stuck out. I waited all day and the next morning he still hadn’t written me! I was annoyed. (He says he was trying to figure out what to say). Since I still wasn’t taking it too seriously, I sent the one and only first message. I wrote “Hi.” He responded and the rest is history. We laugh about the interaction all the time and he thinks it was good for me to be on my toes;)

      I say do what feels fun and don’t put any pressure on it! You never know! (Isn’t that the worst phrase ever…?)

  7. Jason Brown says:

    There are jobs for fire people and good writers who met on Tinder in LB. Just sayin’

  8. stine says:

    cindy ann, i’m glad you tackled this – i hear it a lot.

    it was the funniest thing. one christian guy i know told me, “all the girls on tinder are whores.”

    i have not made the jump into tinder myself, but i’ve gotten an idea about how it works, and my response to him was this:

    you have the option of how you portray yourself. so, let’s say a tinder match messages you at 11pm and says “what are you doing?”. you have the option of messaging back, “i’m reading my bible” or “just got home, hammered, wish i had someone to cuddle”. at the risk of sounding new-age-y, you get what you put out there.

    as for me, i’m leaving tinder be for the meantime and sticking with backyard bbq’s and places where they serve beer. a crowd of good people is all i need for some good old fashioned face-to-face swipin’ right.

    • cindyannjohnson says:

      Great example! It’s totally in your realm of power to conduct yourself how you choose. It’s SO easy to block the douchebags…or not block them, if that’s your thing:)

      The way I see it- ou never have to try Tinder. I don’t think everyone will like it or feel comfortable. BBQ’s are always going to be more fun:) Good luck! With summer here, there is plenty of opportunity. I, for one, am I excited!!

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