Categories for

Cindy vs. Future

Posted by | 12 Comments

I’m in the middle of looking for a new job. I hate it the way all people hate it. Beyond the busy work, I want to know what I’m doing next. I kinda want God to throw me a bone and just tell me already and get frustrated with myself for not knowing. Thankfully, these quotes found their way to me recently and I found them helpful.

Discipleship is not limited to what you can comprehend – it must transcend all comprehension. Plunge into the deep waters beyond your own comprehension, and I will help you to comprehend even as I do. Bewilderment is the true comprehension. Not to know where you are going is the true knowledge. My comprehension transcends yours. Thus Abraham went forth from his father and not knowing whither he went. He trusted himself to my knowledge, and cared not for his own, and thus he took the right road and came to his journey’s end. Behold, that is the way of the cross. You cannot find it yourself, so you must let me lead you as though you were a blind man. Wherefore it is not you, no man, no living creature, but I myself, who instruct you by my word and Spirit in the way you should go. Not the work which you choose, not the suffering you devise, but the road which is clean contrary to all that you choose or contrive or desire – that is the road you must take. To that I call you and in that you must be my disciple. “- Martin Luther quoted by Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Cost of Discipleship
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own,’ or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life—the life God is sending one day by day. What one calls one’s ‘real life’ is a phantom of one’s own imagination.” -C.S. Lewis
“If we would follow Jesus we must take certain definite steps. The first step, which follows the call, cuts the disciple off from his previous existence. … The first step places the disciple in the situation where faith is possible. If he refuses to follow and stays behind, he does not learn how to believe.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

These quotes reminded me that the “not knowing what is next” thing is actually part of what I signed up for when I became a Christian. No need to get so frustrated with myself and God because I technically can’t have faith if I know everything. They are mutually exclusive. Like gooda Nickleback song or a fun baby shower.

My life is not ultimately my own. My only job is to follow God even when He doesn’t tell me the who, what, when, where, or why. It’s not my favorite part…but a part nonetheless. There are times where you and I will be in the dark and these are the seasons when we actually learn to believe and practice having faith.

Hope this encourages some of you, too. You can’t all have your stuff figured out, right? Or else why would you be reading this blog.

10 points to the person who can tell me the correct name of the map

100000 points to the person who gives me a job lead


It’s Fall…. or so They Say

Posted by | 20 Comments

The first day of fall is known as the autumnal equinox.  Equinox (Latin for equal night) is when the day and night are equal lengths and the sun is directly over the equator.  I read this happened in the US at exactly 6:49 a.m. ET on Saturday.  At first it felt comforting to hear something as large as the season of fall is contained nicely in a box and can be predicted down to the minute.  I suppose I prefer that to randomness.   But that kind of precision doesn’t mesh well with reality.  For starters, it was over 100 degrees on Saturday.  No one told the sun in Orange County it was time to back off.  It’s still too hot for a soy pumpkin spice latte and I’m stuck in a sundress instead of my favorite leather jacket.

This fall thing bothered me all weekend. (Proof that I may need more of a life)   There is no exact moment when seasons of life change.  I can’t turn to life and say, “Excuse me, it’s 2:13 pm on Monday and XYZ is supposed to take place.”  Life is far more chaotic.  Life is complicated.   I’ve been thinking a lot about the word complicated the past few months in relation to faith and life.  Christianity can feel like a box, like precision and calculation trying to enter (or worse, be shoved down) complicated lives.  Some problems feel too big and messy for the truths and wisdom of the Bible.  They can come off as cliché, simplistic, out of touch.  When your gay friend tells you being out and in a relationship has grown his relationship with God.  When the new guy who doesn’t go to church treats you way better than your Bible reading, small group going, regularly tithing ex. (and the two before him)   When your friend wants to know if it’s ok to divorce her husband for his porn addiction.  It’s then that you want to say to the simple answers- you don’t have all the facts! You don’t understand!  It’s not freaking fall. Step outside, it’s hot as hell!

Simple truth in a complicated moment can make you angry.  Reducing a big situation to a small one feels wrong- even when you are right.  I’ve come to think that this is a key part of why Jesus came.   After giving the written law, prophets, and setting up religion, God said, “I’ll send a baby.”  In the end, He didn’t just send us a book of wise teaching, a set of religious practices, and a moral code to follow…. He sent a person.  As important as that stuff is, it wasn’t enough.   Only a person can always offer something new to our lives.   Only a person was able to expose the heart behind the wisdom.  Only something living and breathing is complicated and fluid enough to enter into our ever-changing lives.  Christianity can seem too simple and finite at times.  Jesus never does.  He’s always surprising us- compassion for the ones who messed up, a harsh word for the ones who did everything right, a life of downward mobility in a world that pressures everyone to get ahead.  He continually did the unexpected.  He approached situations from left field.  And even now, He’s up to date on all the facts, sides, and contributing factors of our problems.  In a good way, He’s not one size fits all in His dealings with us.  He meets us where we are at.

In Colossians 2, Paul tells the church that religious practices, rules, cultural festivals, strict diets and a long list of other things are never meant to be the point of our faith.  He went so far as to call them useless for living correctly.  In verse 17 he says, “These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.”  Like in Plato’s Cave, the shadows are only meant to be pictures of the real thing.  The real stuff, the whole point, the substance is Christ.

I find myself very grateful for this.  I’m so glad I follow a person instead of a religion.  Especially in a crazy world of eat at Chic-Fil-A/don’t eat at Chic-Fil-A, vote this way/don’t vote this way, bumper stickers, and soundbites that try to ignorantly tell us it is simple.  I hate that stuff.  And so I feel good about offering friends a person; a God/Man who is with us in our moments of need and confusion.   I recently had dinner with a friend in a bad relationship and I didn’t know what she should do.  While searching for the right advice, the thought came that she should just pursue Jesus.  I really believe that if she does, He’ll figure it out with her.  He’ll lead her in the right way. I can trust her to Him.  I believe He has something to say to all our lives if we’ll listen and take time to hear him.  His words won’t feel outdated, simplistic, or naïve- even if they’re ancient truths Christians have believed for thousands of years.   Because Jesus is not simple.  In fact, He’s the most complicated being that has ever walked the earth.

…So, take that fall. (Get it? Really bad Xtian joke on the double meaning of fall. Forgive me, I needed a conclusion and that’s all I had)


Cindy vs. Ex Sighting

Posted by | 13 Comments
what? you're not missing this?

So, you know those people who actually live by the wisdom, “Dress well.  You never know who you’ll run into!”   I’m not one of those people.  I’m lazy.  Each day, I assess my plans and the people in them and decide the following:

  • Hair (meaning freshly washed and styled)
  • Shoes (tall or flat)
  • Pants (tight pants must be saved due to washing and stretching)
  • Dresses/Tops (favorites vs. forgettable)

Wearing the best in all four categories means it’s a night out where I am guaranteed to see a guy I like  (or run into frenemy).  Everyday goes down from there in all or one category.

So Friday.

I was meeting old friend and roommate for a quick lunch at the Irvine Spectrum (outdoor mall).  Which means, 0 for 4.  Katy loves me no matter what I look like and it’s the mall. Who cares.

Well, I should have b/c we spotted my ex (whom I haven’t seen in over a year). Awesome.  Oh, it gets better.  In the very second (I’m not joking) that I asked her if I should talk to him as he passed by a bird crapped on me. Crapped on me.

actual photo of actual bird poop

I’m going to go ahead and say it doesn’t matter what you are wearing if feces is part of the deal.  Needless to say, his face didn’t convey a desire to relight the match.

However, a few hours later I spotted him waiting for his car at the valet.  At the mall. In the middle of a weekday. What a douche


Cindy Vs. Valentines Day

Posted by | 2 Comments
Oh, Valentine’s Day… I’m assuming you are expecting me to bash today or have some melt down about being alone amidst chocolate hearts just after losing Christmas weight. We’ll you are wrong. I don’t hate the holiday. I’m fine with it.  In fact, I reflected happily just this afternoon over 3rd grade.
I was set. I had the perfect NKOTB valentines and my class list in hand. Sprawled out on my bedroom floor, I categorized the “BFF Happy Valentines Day!” for my favorite friends; “Let’s Hit the Street for some Valentine Fun!” for anyone I didn’t care about; and carefully removed the “You’ve Got the Cute Stuff” cards to avoid sending the wrong message to any boys I didn’t like in favor of the safer “You Rock Valentine Friend!”.  Crucial to my successful navigation of the classroom exchange was also giving the boy I did like the same “friend” card.
Which led me to the epiphany that not much has changed. Why do I continue to play the friend card with guys I like, now?  Why the need to throw them off the trail or play hard to get? … I don’t have the answer yet but I’m fairly certain I’m on to something.

Anyway, I’m off to have Valentine’s Dinner, with my parents Susan Boyle style. (Further proof that I have learned very little since 3rd grade) And before you feel too bad for me, you should know my parents are awesome and I’m topping the night off with wine and some fabulous friends.
PS I had a first date last Thursday and I ate more than him…. end.of.story.


Cindy Vs. Boss (possible title “sh%t and boobs”

Posted by | 2 Comments

eh…. it all started innocently enough. A co-worker wanted to show me the following YouTube video (rarely a good move at work, yet one I frequently make).

Us white kids had a great laugh.  Two more 20 something co-workers join in, behind my desk, staring at my screen. Half way through the video, a boss, and a pastor, who is most of all, black, decides he wants to know what all the fun is about.

PANICKED, I rushed to find other videos to pretend to be watching. Problem is, YouTube is now only recommending racial slur videos as options on the right side of my screen. I quickly clicked on the only non “n-word”  option…entitled…”shit and boobs” great, either.
About half way through trying to explain why we all thought this cinematic masterpiece I’m subjecting him to was funny to me, I notice my co-workers have left me alone,with a pastor, to watch a video, entitled shit and boobs.